Sternfluencers 2: The DnDnDnDening (Dungeons n dragons n dudes n drugs)

My mom sent me a text around Christmas to let me know that Reddit doesn’t like my “too cool for school” “everybody gets high” persona and that I need to get a clue, so in the spirit of that energy — here’s maybe the most drug-fueled rip through of a pinball media event that you’ll ever find. Sorry, maybe I read that text wrong, I was def stoned.

Let’s get it out of the way up front: I liked Dungeons and Dragons. I’ve said this now on a few podcasts, so it’s not news, but I feel like it is stretching the boundaries of what we consider pinball to be. Much in the way that bands like King Crimson and (sigh) Rush were bands that pushed the boundaries of what is considered rock. And much like those long haired fucking nerd prog rockers aren’t for everybody, I’m sure that DnD will also have its detractors. That’s because it’s trying something new. Brian Eddy is doing a three flipper game. Let me repeat that one. BRIAN EDDY IS DOING A THREE FLIPPER GAME. What’s the only other Brian Eddy game with three flippers? OH IDK, A LITTLE BANGER CALLED THE SHADOW???

So let’s start there. This thing was built for flow. Then Dwight Sullivan came in with a beefed out and better version of what they started in Venom. I’ll say it here: i’m a pretty openly anti-venom dude, but it ain’t the ruleset that necessarily bugs me. I just only have a pro locally, and I’d say that’s one of the more barebones pros in existence. Right there with Led Zep. The good news? DnD does NOT suffer that problem. Other some extra articulation and the balls shooting out of the dragons mouth, the pro and premium version of this game are nearly identical. That’s dope.

But anyway, you didn’t ask for a review and I don’t wanna give one, so let’s get into this fuckin’ thing.

*Self portrait with the Stern-ball of the Future.*

First one in the door

The sure evidence of being a try-hard is that I was the first one at Stern for the Wick release, and I was double-first for DnD. It’s ok. I smoked a joint in the parking lot and saw everyone as they came in. This was definitely a different crew than the last time. It was cool to see Tyler White, who we’ve covered a couple times in the mag.

He brought Picklebeer for some degen Stern employees that secreted it away to some lair, but not before I snapped a close up. It’s called journalism, bitch. Look it up.

There was an X-Men premium in the front lobby that you could play while we were all standing around and waiting for the other goofballs to show up. It was a who’s who of pinball content creators. It’s been said that there were a lot of dudes. It’s been said that there were ALL dudes. Well, yes I believe that to be true. It certainly smelled that way. Fucking GROSS. That said, it was great to see the Grafs, two of the most pleasant people in pinball. Neil rules and is quietly becoming one of the best pinball players in the midwest. That’s no small feat. And Tom is Tom. Plus the other Triple Drain guys — the babelicious duo of Travis and Joel. As we say in Chicago, that’s a lot of hot beef!

Who else? IDK, Youtubers and ‘stagrammers and whoever man. The one downside for those guys is that it feels like they always gotta be on and making content. I don’t have to be that way. Which explains why when the rest of them were going on a tour of an empty factory, I stayed back and hung in the lobby with Retro Ralph and John from Stern (as our babysitter and resident pinball buttkicker) to play the insane lineup that they have in the lobby. It ruled.

The Lobby Arcade at Stern Pinball Rules

I think basically every game from Stern’s recent history is represented in the lineup. It’s two rows that spans the length of where a car dealership would put its two sickest whips. But instead of lame-ass cars, we talkin’ Freakazoid sterns. The BKSOR they had in the lobby was a mish-mash of parts from Premiums, pros, and custom work. Pretty gnarly. I don’t remember who won the games we played, but it certainly wasn’t me. I went back outside because I “forgot” something and recharged ala Popeye with daddy’s secret spinach, and magically I was back in the game.

That might sound flippant or lame to y’all, but I don’t mean it to be. When I say playing pinball is important to me, I mean it. That means I really would rather hang out with my friends, kinda secret high in Stern’s lobby while absolutely busting open a Black Knight Sword of Rage. You know? I think it’s important for people in media, whether it’s pinball or not, to remember why they started doing the thing they’re doing. I always wanna love pinball, and the day I don’t is the day that Nudge stops. If you’re just phoning it in for clout, you look absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Halfway thru our last game, John is like — should we just go check out DnD early? I immediately drained my third ball and wiped my drool. Let’s roll.

Brian Eddy is back, baby

Look, I think this game is gonna be a hit. It’s my favorite Eddy layout in a long time (though I like a lot of his new games, unlike a lot of folks), but the inventive Dwight code is what is getting the pub now. I think it’s important to remember that Eddy makes HITS and this is one of them. The layout is intuitive, with plenty of flow off the upper flipper, and enough stops so that you can have the long balls that this game requires. I’m not going to get into the code, but yes — it seems like Dwight is trying something completely unique and equally ambitious in this game. That rules.

*“That’s one sexy gelatinous cube” - my prom date to me when I opened the door*

Also Chad the Bird was there.

A debauched time

Look, IDK about other industries, but it doesn’t take a lot to wow pinball media. We’re pretty much happy with whatever freebies they wanna chuck our way. So having a Stern Cafeteria pizza party hits surprisingly hard with this crew. I include myself in that. Tho, I didn’t find the pizza until it was already pretty… handled. I had my headphones on and was jamming on Elvira, so I missed the dinner bell.

The Chicago league night at Enterrium is crazy

I will say that Andy Bagwell runs a tight ship. He’s fun and loose on the mic, but he’s focused — and he executes a pretty impressive pinball feat. They fit 102 motherfuckers in this tournament. That’s crazy. That’s too many. I mean, it was four rounds and the competition was fierce. This was the players appreciation night, so you know your boi was hitting the free buffet hard and filling his gullet with free meatballs. I checked the scale. I gained 7 pounds on this trip. 5 and half were pinball meatballs. Pinmeatballs.

There were a fair amount of pinball celebrities playing in this thing. Roger Sharp, the aforementioned Andy Bagwell, plus pinfluencers like Tyler White and, uh, Don from Don’t pinball podcast? It was a WHO’S WHO! Your boy decided to not play in the tournament and just shot the shit at the bar with a stern trio — Kyle Spiteri, Elizabeth Gieske and Jack Danger, plus pinball OG Penni Epstein. As usual, I caught nobody’s good side. A nudge trademark.

*Roger Sharpe lookin like the flyest cowboy in heaven*

It was a great time, but eventually I just kinda wandered away, you know? I smoked another J and there were some people playing the japanese prize claw machines. I will say this: the schaumburg mall is fucking good. They have a lot of shit that I actually wanna look at. Like fully functioning Lord of the Rings weaponry stores and Japanese candy stores and, uh, like massage chairs. Plus the food court is good. Highly recommend this spot to anyone looking for food during expo.